Married Too Long

[digginfool]

The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. 

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. 

After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on! 

I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30. 

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" 

My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" 

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

[cr500pro]

this is sad and disgusting to say the least......ive been married to my wife for 30yrs, been together since were  13yrs old and shes my life, my best friend and my partner in everything..

[AintSkeered]

My wife's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs! ...so fat that you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

[rdm225]

Too hot for riding anyway

[digginfool]

I woke up this morning and had words with my wife.  Only problem was I didn't get to use any of mine.

[digginfool]

this is sad and disgusting to say the least......ive been married to my wife for 30yrs, been together since were  13yrs old and shes my life, my best friend and my partner in everything..

You take yourself too seriously.

[duroc825]

this is sad and disgusting to say the least......ive been married to my wife for 30yrs, been together since were  13yrs old and shes my life, my best friend and my partner in everything..

You take yourself too seriously.

Too bad he doesn't take his citizenship and the founding ideals of this country as serious!

[Anoriginal]

this is sad and disgusting to say the least......ive been married to my wife for 30yrs, been together since were  13yrs old and shes my life, my best friend and my partner in everything..

As stupid and disjuncted as your posts are, I figued you to be under 20 years old.

[cr500pro]

you guys really depress me, you old fat guys really live a pathetic life..yuckkkkkkkk,i would really hate to be in ur shoes...i bet u all do things like drink, do all sorts of dope to forget  ur sucky life.....i live  a freaking awesome life n i love it.i want nothing 2be like you losers...

[digginfool]

you guys really depress me, you old fat guys really live a pathetic life..yuckkkkkkkk,i would really hate to be in ur shoes...i bet u all do things like drink, do all sorts of dope to forget  ur sucky life.....i live  a freaking awesome life n i love it.i want nothing 2be like you losers...

I think I can speak for at least a couple of us.  Fat?  Nope.  54 and still have a six pack and I'll stomp your ass if you give me a reason (better be a good reason because I'm too old to break a sweat anymore).  Anoriginal could snap your arms like a toothpick (don't matter what his age is; he wears a kilt).  Robert will hook you up to the back of his quad and drag you through the mud until you're silly.  And we'll all do it while happily partaking of our favorite libation.

Drink?  You betcha!
Dope?  Nope.  That's for punks (although some of us punks are older than we used to be).
Losers?  I have no need to toot my, or Robert's or Matt's horns.  Just making a bet that our combined income tax is more than you'll make in the next ten years.  Just saying.

[duroc825]

46 here. 165#'s and not to toot my own horn can still give the young ins a run for their money in the harescrambles. I quite often pass B class riders from my super senior class that starts 4 rows behind them! Ok TOOT TOOT!

[AintSkeered]

Yeah! Don't mess with us. Check out this home video of our family! http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/eaeb1eb1c6/culver-city-hillbillies-meet-the-billies

[Anoriginal]

you guys really depress me, you old fat guys really live a pathetic life..yuckkkkkkkk,i would really hate to be in ur shoes...i bet u all do things like drink, do all sorts of dope to forget  ur sucky life.....i live  a freaking awesome life n i love it.i want nothing 2be like you losers...

Yeah...a poor,  broke, uneducated, cuban living in Miami with a dead end job. We certainly want your life.

I still look pretty sexy in my kilt Diggin! 

[rdm225]

I will bet his whole family are balseros!

[duroc825]

I will bet his whole family are balseros!

That's probably why he's so "proud" he has a licensed dirt bike and can finally do something legal in our country!

[cr500pro]

yepppppp! i love my street legal dirt bike,cops dont bother me like they do 2 u all and i can ride any were i please. ...what i meant by saying i love my life is be cause unlike 99% of all the retards in the country,,i dont work.i inherited a gorgeous house in coral gables (100%paid for),6 rental/income properties (paid for too)..2 new cars,6motorcycles.1 boat and 2 jetskis..i get a smile on my face when u all r racing to work at 7am,cause u got a mortgage for 30yrs and i wake up at noon,go to dennys n then come back n watch  family guy,till i dooze off again hahaha,, ..sure there r hungry/poor cubans in miami,god bless them,,im cuban but far from poor!

[digginfool]

yepppppp! i love my street legal dirt bike,cops dont bother me like they do 2 u all and i can ride any were i please. ...what i meant by saying i love my life is be cause unlike 99% of all the retards in the country,,i dont work.i inherited a gorgeous house in coral gables (100%paid for),6 rental/income properties (paid for too)..2 new cars,6motorcycles.1 boat and 2 jetskis..i get a smile on my face when u all r racing to work at 7am,cause u got a mortgage for 30yrs and i wake up at noon,go to dennys n then come back n watch  family guy,till i dooze off again hahaha,, ..sure there r hungry/poor cubans in miami,god bless them,,im cuban but far from poor!

Even if your little fantasy were true, a fool and his money (or in your case, un-earned wealth) is sure to part.  Love stories like yours never have a happy ending, except for the people like me that come in and sweep up the aftermath.  Hit me up when you're ready to sell one of your properties because you don't have the cash to pay your property taxes or that new roof or air conditioner.  How proud you must be knowing you don't have the education to get a job at Micky D's once your fantasy crumbles.  But hey, you sure didn't miss any 'Family Guy' episodes!  What a life.  Raft-riding, Cuba-Rican Loser will be your epitaph.

[TNTaylor]

Anyone on here been married (to the same lady) longer than me?  Been married 38 years and still going strong. We do everything together... except riding ATVs.  She quit riding with me 2 years ago when she got muddy and a spider crawled on her... 

[yfz122]

CRDork must be or is related to bigdaddy

[duroc825]

I think he is Fishallic's brother or something like that.

[cr500pro]

my,my,my Jealousy is a pregnant dog aint it,dont let it get to u ( digginfool ,u should drop the diggin n keep the FOOL.) or it will make u a bitter man which im sure u all ready are,because u didnt get an inheritance  and have to work every day just to pay bills n  survive ..u would give ur left nut,just to go to sleep with the peace of mind that i have,wake up & not have to work n go buy a new bike cash or spend a week fishing in key west n not have 2 worry about $$$

[Anoriginal]

my,my,my Jealousy is a pregnant dog aint it,dont let it get to u ( digginfool ,u should drop the diggin n keep the FOOL.) or it will make u a bitter man which im sure u all ready are,because u didnt get an inheritance  and have to work every day just to pay bills n  survive ..u would give ur left nut,just to go to sleep with the peace of mind that i have,wake up & not have to work n go buy a new bike cash or spend a week fishing in key west n not have 2 worry about $$$

I can buy and sell you all day. And, at the end of the day...you're still unintelligent and an azzhole.

[TLittle]

Anoriginal is completely correct, as per what cr says he has been handed everything he has, that means you have nothing

lose it all and see how great your life is and see how quick your fantastic marriage lasts

let me ask this.... how many academic degrees do you have cr


I am proud for all I have, the car I drive, the 2 weeks I just spent slaying the lobster in the keys, the absolutely gorgeous wife I have, I fought and worked for every bit of it, only bitches take handouts.....btw 185lb body builder, sorry but your life I would regret to live

[cr500pro]

boyyyyyyyy arent u guys jealous n bitter..i wounder how many in here if they  found a bag with 1/2 a mill in it they would turn it , cuse they dont like hand outs haha...u would all keep it n live it up....yes i got my $$$ handed to me on a silver platter from my great daddy, ohhhhhh well its awesome n feels great.screwwwwwwww  all of u that have to work every day till u dieeeeee.many of u will  die,b4 u even pay ur house off or get ur 1st SS-CHECK/retire..im here killing time ,writing to u old men,till  miamivice starts on tv n then im taking my xr650 for some trails riding in VERY PUBLIC LAND..make sure u all take ur high blood pressure,cholesterol pills u dont want to die b4 ur retire hahaha

[yfz122]

boyyyyyyyy arent u guys jealous n bitter..i wounder how many in here if they  found a bag with 1/2 a mill in it they would turn it , cuse they dont like hand outs haha...u would all keep it n live it up....yes i got my $$$ handed to me on a silver platter from my great daddy, ohhhhhh well its awesome n feels great.screwwwwwwww  all of u that have to work every day till u dieeeeee.many of u will  die,b4 u even pay ur house off or get ur 1st SS-CHECK/retire..im here killing time ,writing to u old men,till  miamivice starts on tv n then im taking my xr650 for some trails riding in VERY PUBLIC LAND..make sure u all take ur high blood pressure,cholesterol pills u dont want to die b4 ur retire hahaha

i'm far from old and you'll always be a piece of sh*t

[cr500pro]

ur opinion that im a peace of crap,is just that ur opinion every  A-hole has 1,but this is a true fact n will remain a fact for ur entire life...u gotta get up to work every day,count ur pennys just2  survive  & live long enough to hopefully get ur retirements checks,& even then u will still have 2 count ur pennys,cuse u will live on a fixed income till ur root.,,my suggestion is get a thin rope put it around ur neck,pick a tree and end it all now.n save urself from a crappy life.

[yfz122]

I would rather be homeless and white before being a cuban billionaire. And I love what I do for a living. White folks are getting tired of sorry f*ckers like you. When we finally rise up people like you will be running scared.

[duroc825]

I swear CR is Fishallic!
Too many similarities.

[cr500pro]

white folks arent gonna do crap in the future,white americans r cowards,,besides between the blacks n all the hispanics,whites r the minority now in ur own country haha,what a slap in the face. .we allready have a black president i think is awesome .and in the future u will see a latino,possibly a cuban as president,hopefully a black cuban,thats turns all u white  cowards into slaves .......so u rather be poor then a rich cuban hahaha what BS pal..u have no idea how gooodddddddd  money makes life,well u will never know it,u will be too busy working till ur 6ft under and forgotten in 30days.haha

[Anoriginal]

white folks arent gonna do crap in the future,white americans r cowards,,besides between the blacks n all the hispanics,whites r the minority now in ur own country haha,what a slap in the face. .we allready have a black president i think is awesome .and in the future u will see a latino,possibly a cuban as president,hopefully a black cuban,thats turns all u white  cowards into slaves .......so u rather be poor then a rich cuban hahaha what BS pal..u have no idea how gooodddddddd  money makes life,well u will never know it,u will be too busy working till ur 6ft under and forgotten in 30days.haha

[Anoriginal]

I swear CR is Fishallic!
Too many similarities.

Nah. Dave (Fishahallic) is smarter than this guy. This kid is just a lying, insecure, troll. Nothing more. Fun to mess with.

[bigAl300ex]

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of Gorilla.  Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.  The gorilla was in heat.  To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought about Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck
part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution.  Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition.  Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Booby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First," Booby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."  The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second," he said, "she must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-shirt."  The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third," he said, "you can't never tell no one about this."  The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Fourth," Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist."  Once again it was agreed.

"And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00!" 



*Just wanted to "lighten" up this thread.  It started out funny and go to serious.  Some people need to have a sense of humor in this forum.  Been married to my wife for thirteen years, but been together for over twenty-two.  She still my best friend and jokes around just as much as I do.*

[digginfool]

My wife said to me: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
I said "yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

I asked my wife where she'd like to go for our anniversary and she said "take me somewhere I've never been" - so I showed her into the kitchen!

I went to Anoriginal and told him I was looking to get a divorce because my wife hadn't spoken to me in six months.  He told me to think it over, "wives like that are hard to get!"

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case.  The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labor; hence
The child should be in my custody. "  The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to Say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi Comes out...
Whose Pepsi is it..... The machine's or mine?"

[digginfool]

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but boy can she climb a tree!

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you are reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said "I would like to come back as a cow."
I said "You're obviously not f--king listening."

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

[MedicMudder]

I got a gun for my wife...good trade huh???      

[big-daddy]

CRDork must be or is related to bigdaddy

Nope the dumb f**k is not related to me. The only thing that comes close to this low life dripsh!t is when I ate some bad Mexican Food and gave me the runs. 

[duroc825]

That's giving him more credit than he deserves!

[Anoriginal]

CRDork must be or is related to bigdaddy

Nope the dumb f**k is not related to me. The only thing that comes close to this low life dripsh!t is when I ate some bad Mexican Food and gave me the runs. 

Hey Ricky!  Hope you and yoir family are all doing well!

[big-daddy]

All doing good. Jr is 16 years, has a girl friend, driving and play with all my toys. How about you?

http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/3568/goxstcybwmnvzasdybjxjq.mp4

CRDork must be or is related to bigdaddy

Nope the dumb f**k is not related to me. The only thing that comes close to this low life dripsh!t is when I ate some bad Mexican Food and gave me the runs.  

Hey Ricky!  Hope you and yoir family are all doing well!

[Anoriginal]

All doing good. Jr is 16 years, has a girl friend, driving and play with all my toys. How about you?

http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/3568/goxstcybwmnvzasdybjxjq.mp4

CRDork must be or is related to bigdaddy

Nope the dumb f**k is not related to me. The only thing that comes close to this low life dripsh!t is when I ate some bad Mexican Food and gave me the runs.  

Hey Ricky!  Hope you and yoir family are all doing well!

That is awesome! Glad everyone is doing good. Hard to believe your son is 16. Makes me feel old!

Everyone is good on my end. My son is 5 and juat started kindergarten.  Yeah...I'm 43 with a 5 year old. Keeping me young I hope.

[patches206]

All doing good. Jr is 16 years, has a girl friend, driving and play with all my toys. How about you?

http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/3568/goxstcybwmnvzasdybjxjq.mp4

CRDork must be or is related to bigdaddy

Nope the dumb f**k is not related to me. The only thing that comes close to this low life dripsh!t is when I ate some bad Mexican Food and gave me the runs.  

Hey Ricky!  Hope you and yoir family are all doing well!

That is awesome! Glad everyone is doing good. Hard to believe your son is 16. Makes me feel old!

Everyone is good on my end. My son is 5 and juat started kindergarten.  Yeah...I'm 43 with a 5 year old. Keeping me young I hope.

Matt got you on that one, 47 with a 6 year old.

[Anoriginal]

All doing good. Jr is 16 years, has a girl friend, driving and play with all my toys. How about you?

http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/3568/goxstcybwmnvzasdybjxjq.mp4

CRDork must be or is related to bigdaddy

Nope the dumb f**k is not related to me. The only thing that comes close to this low life dripsh!t is when I ate some bad Mexican Food and gave me the runs.  

Hey Ricky!  Hope you and yoir family are all doing well!

That is awesome! Glad everyone is doing good. Hard to believe your son is 16. Makes me feel old!

Everyone is good on my end. My son is 5 and juat started kindergarten.  Yeah...I'm 43 with a 5 year old. Keeping me young I hope.

Matt got you on that one, 47 with a 6 year old.

Who's the father?


Lol...couldn't resist.

[digginfool]

54 with a 9 year-old.   

She's the sparkle in my life, though.  She's given me more joy than either of the other two, not that I play favorites or anything.   

[yfz122]

38 and always wore a rubber.....

[yfz122]

Not making fun of you guys. I've  always known that I am a selfish bastard.

[digginfool]

My wife kicked me out of the house today.  She came home and found me measuring myself.  I guess she wasn't happy it was only long enough to reach the back of her sister's throat.   

[digginfool]

My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going. "I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going - 'cus when you're coming, you look like a freaking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"