Funny joke

[o4250]

AGAIN NOT FOR THE KIDDOS!!









Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles
lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air.
She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he
said, as gently as he could,

"I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy."

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?"
asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Piddles'
legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be
easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg
and lift Piddles up to heaven."

Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles' death quite well.
However, two days later when her father came home from work,
Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this
morning."

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the
girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"

"Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning
I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she
was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it
hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would
definitely have gone, Daddy".

[cain73]

LOL Now that's funny right there !

Another joke with a cat - old but funny any way.

My friend and I were working on my car in my garage. It seems that someone put something in my gas tank. I took the tank down and emptied it while I checked the injectors and engine. without thinking I put the bowl of gas contaminated with sugar, or what ever it was, down near the front of the garage. After working for a while I noticed that my wife's cat had lapped up a lot of the gas mixture. I tried to scare him off, but he just looked at me. My friend walked over and all of the sudden the cat took off running circles around the tree in the front yard. He kept running faster and faster while we watched in amazement. And then the cat came to a halt, seemed to freeze in place and fell over on his side. We walked to the cat and my friend asked "is he dead"? I answered "No, he just ran out of gas"!

[dreth]

those are funny 

[strtrcr06]

lol...

[gery350]

here ya go- somemore


PINOCCHIO
 Pinocchio  had a human girlfriend who would  sometimes complain
 about splinters when they were having sex.
 So,  Pinocchio  went  to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
 Gepetto suggested  he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and
 Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
 A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
 through  town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?". Pinocchio
 replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

 CINDERELLA
 Cinderella  wanted to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother
 wouldn't let her.
 As  Cinderella  sat  crying in the garden, her fairy  godmother
 appeared,and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she
 needed  to  go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First,
 you must wear a diaphragm."
 Cinderella agreed. "What's the second condition?"
 "You  must be home by 2a.m.  Any later, and your diaphragm will
 turn into a pumpkin."
 Cinderella agreed to be home by 2 a.m.  The appointed hour came
 and  went,  and  Cinderella didn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m.,
 Cinderella  showed  up looking  love-struck and very satisfied.
 "Where  have  you  been?"  Demanded  the fairy godmother. "Your
 diaphragm  was  supposed  to  turn  into  a pumpkin three hours
 ago!!!"
 "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.  He took care of everything."
 "I  know  of  no  prince  with that kind of power!  Tell me his name!"
 "I   can't   remember,   exactly...Peter  Peter,  something  or other..."

 MICKEY MOUSE
 Mickey  Mouse  and  Minnie  Mouse were in divorce court and the
 judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
 Mickey  replied,  "I  didn't  say  she  was crazy, I said she's
 f**k**g Goofy."

 DONALD DUCK
 Donald  went  into the local Pharmacy to purchase some condoms.
 He  took  them up to the cashier who asked, " Would you like me
 to put these on your bill ?"
 Donald  became irate and screamed, "What do you think I am,some
 kind of pervert"?

 RED RIDING HOOD
 Little  Red  Riding  Hood  was  walking  through the woods when
 suddenly  the  Big  Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and,
 holding  a  sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw
 your brains out! "
 To  that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
 basket  and  pulled  out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and
 said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says
 in the book."

 

[cain73]

Those are funny ! I have a couple but they are not appropriate to post here. pm me if you are interested in a couple more funny ones.

[rubicon500kid]

lol thats sum funny $hit

[Honda328i]

I know this says Stressed Women but I think we've all felt like this some time or other! Enjoy!


Subject: STRESSED WOMEN SAY THESE AT WORK!

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfu*k you.

2. You say I'm a b!tch like it's a bad thing.

3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.

4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?

5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a people person?

7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You
choose.

10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and
senseless acts of self-control?

11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you
haven't gone to sleep yet.

16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura

17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.

18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor?

19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

20. Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.

22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

23. You look like sh*t. Is that the style now?

24. Earth is full. Go home.

25. Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?

26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.

29. If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport