A black guy
Walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check He marched
Straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing
Welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind
The counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening
From a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his
Beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2008
Mercedes-Benz , and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the
Long hour s, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the
Daughter on her overseas holiday trips.

This is rather awkward to
Say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her
Sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong
Sex drive.

A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV,
Stereo, bar, etc. Located above the garage, will be designated for your
Sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, just plain
Wide-eyed, said, ' You're bullshittin' me!

The social worker said,
' Yeah, well . . You started it.'

 
Top Four Adult Jokes


Fourth Place:


A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If your thingy is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------







Third Place :


One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------







Runner Up:


Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his thingy into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my thingy into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I g ot fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Winner:


A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Whereupon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.

'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.'

GOOD 1 LOL

EVERY BODY NEEDS TO GET TOGETHER AND NOT DO ANYTHING FOR 1 WEEK

here is mine a 2007 dodge ram 2500 with cummins diesel with banks power

YEA SOME  REALY FUNNY  POST THE ONES YOU LOVE

Spread the Stupidity        REPLY WITH YOUR FAVORITE
 
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
 
Only in America .......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
 
Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
 
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
 
Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
 
Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
 
EVER WONDER ....
 
Why the sun lightens our hair,but darkens our skin ?
 
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
 
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
 
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
 
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
 
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
 
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
 
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
 
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
 
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
 
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
 
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
 
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
 
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
 
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
 
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

YEA WHERE IS THIS PLACE AT IN VERO THAT YOU NEED A GPS

OFFEND EVERYONE!
>
>What  do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>
>Juan  on Juan
>
>What  is a Yankee?
>
>The  same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
>
>What  is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
>
>The  position of the dirt bag
>
>Why  is divorce so expensive?
>
>Because  it's worth it.
>
>What  do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>
>Doughnuts
>
>Why  is air a lot like sex?
>
>Because  it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
>
>What  do you call a smart blonde?
>
>A  golden retriever.
>
>What  do attorneys use for birth control?
>
>Their  personalities.
> ;
>What's  the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>
>10  years and 45 lbs
>
>What's  the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>
>45  minutes
>
>What's  the fastest way to a man's heart?
>
>Through  his chest with a sharp knife.
>
>Why  do men want to marry virgins?
>
>They  can't stand criticism
>
>Why  is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and 
>good-looking?
>
>Because  those men already have boyfriends.
>
>What's  the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>
>After  a year, the dog is still excited to see you
>
>What  makes men chase women they have no intention of  marrying?
>
>The  same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of 
>driving.
>
>Why   don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>
>Because  they have cotton balls.
>
>What's  the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>
>A  porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
>
>What  did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>
>"Are  you sure it's mine?"
>
>Why  does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>
>Mace  will do that to you.
>
>Why  did OJ Simpson want to move to West  Virginia ?
>
>Everyone  has the same DNA.
>
>Why  do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>
>Breasts  don't have eyes.
>
>Why  do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
>Mondays,  Wednesdays and Fridays?
>
>Because  on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
>
>Where  does an Irish family go on vaca tion?
>
>A  different bar.
>
>Did  you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond  baby?
>
>They  named him "Sum Ting Wong".
>
>What  would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the 
>other?
>
>A  speech impediment.
>
>What  does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at 
>half-mast?
>
>They're  hiring.
>
>What's  the difference between a southern zoo and a northern  zoo?
>
>A  southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
>along  with... "a recipe".
>
>How  do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F  word?
>
>Get  another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
>
>What's  the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern 
>fairytale?
>
>A  northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale 
>begins
>
>"Y'all  ain't gonna believe this sh*t....
>
>Why  is there no Disneyland in China?
>
>No  one's tall enough to go on the good rides

also the 2009 camaro

this is mine challenger

HELL ITS LAKEPORT ENOUGH SAID

NOW THATS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT WATCHING OUR KIDS OUT DO US WHEN WE WERE THEIR AGE OR TRY TO OUT DO US WHEN WE WHERE THAT AGE

GREAT AIR TIME DRETH

NICE PROJECT GOOD LUCK POST SOME FINISHED PICS

LUCKY IT HAD ALL OF ITS LEGS

HELL THAT LONG AGO WE WAS LUCKY TO WEAR GEAR NOT ALONG A HELMET
GOOD PICS

NICE TRUCK HERE IS MY 2500 DODGE RAM CUMMINS TURBO

it is funny only if it was true j/k

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.  I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play.  I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.  Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.  I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.  Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting...




look down

 


 

Drinking with a Redneck Girl

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.



When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pisto l, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice."


The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either ."



The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer , downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,



"In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."

There is also a conection under the seat that might have come loose

IT HOLDS UP BETTER THAN REGULAR PAINT